Totally Tanya (The Device) Parts 1 - 6

 

Since New Year's Eve 2023 - Still Retired

 

Since July Retirement - Happy Holidays

 

Not Coming Back

Dear Readers,

I'm definitely not coming back this time. 

This morning I was confronted privately. After pouring out my heart and soul to explain my experiences I was told it's all just fetish, not real Transgender experience, that everything I described was fetish and that transgender is more than about "wearing pink pumps". Apparently their teenage years experiences are valid but mine were not. Mine were just "fetishism". That being part of the online TG community wasn't real. Again the COGIATI test was attacked. When I started out that was the recommended go to. Now? It's laughed at, dismissed as being a tool for figuring out whether or not to transition. 

So I'm not coming back. If all this was just fetishism there's no point. If my experiences aren't valid, if what I went through isn't legitimate, then why even bother?

I'm done.  I can't come back. It used to be so welcoming. People understood that each person takes a different journey. How can you demand that your experiences be respected then totally negate someone else's? That's not right.

I did have more new ones made. I just wasn't going to post them and I never will now. I'm apparently not qualified to be a participant in anything TG at all. So I won't be. 

My feelings don't matter. My experiences are illegitimate. My opinions hold no weight. 

It doesn't matter if I was scared of being caught wearing my mom's clothes. It doesn't matter how abusive my father was towards women. It doesn't matter how I felt even before having a computer or finding the community online. It was all just fetishism apparently. 

I know many didn't like my ego. The retirement attempts in the past always failed due to that ego. There were times being Gensabi was therapeutic. I really tried to keep going for the fans. Some people even said it helped on their TG journey. I don't know anymore.

I think this is my last post. I'm honestly thinking about deleting the blog. What's the point in keeping it up other than my ego?

Sincerely,

Gensabi

3 Months Still Retired!

Dear Readers, 

Still think I'm coming back? I'm not. I have read the recent comments and am just gonna let them Duke it out themselves. 

Sincerely,

Gensabi 

Comments, ETC

Dear Readers, Haters, Etc,

First off I retired from making new capped pics, but the blog is staying up.

Secondly, for the commenter that posted a "War And Peace" level thread I'm still trying to read all of it. Like I get bits read then my brain needs to focus elsewhere.

I was going to explain the personal costs being Gensabi had. It's actually why I'm not married or have kids. Because telling the one I loved, was engaged to, helped end that last decade. So yes, I'm still paranoid, yes I'm not open, because I understand that doing so is folly. People might feign understanding or acceptance, but they don't actually do either. Please keep telling me how I've sacrificed nothing at all though. Or belittling what I went through. 

I can see the forest for the trees. I know a huge backlash is coming. Worse than the purges on the web during the '00s. Only adults should be able to transition. Hormone blockers are bad. Kids need to go through puberty to figure out what they are. Making up or forcing others to use made up undefinable pronouns? That's not Transgender, but labeling it as such means that's the community that's going to get the brunt of the backlash. Real Transgender rights are taking a backseat to this nonsense! Gay marriage was a huge win, but Congress hasn't made it a law yet have they? Just like they never codified Roe V. Wade either. Shit will hit the fan. 

People were OK with adults transitioning, getting sex changes, marrying was a huge hurdle as laws didn't recognize same sex partners and some states used genetic definitions of sex no matter what surgeries you had...that problem is moot thanks to gay marriage. People could understand going from male to female or vice versa. It was easy, simple, just use the pronouns of which gender you became. 

Now? All these abstract genders, people can even identify as cameras now per a video I saw...where they were told to stop filming in that area until the person said they identified as a camera! It's absurd. Ridiculous. The non-binary are going to cause a backlash against all Transgender people because they invaded the Transgender space to take it over. 

Separately? Most people didn't give a crap about adult people having sex changes and living their lives normally. Some got funky over bathrooms. That's been resolved mostly now that places have gender neutral ones. You get a Zir that demands you use their made up words they can't even tell you what it means, or what constitutes being one, then people smell the bullshit. You can believe being born into the wrong body, but what kinda body is a Zir supposed to have? 

I'm tired. That was a rant. 

Sincerely,

Whatever 

 

Excommunication!

Dear Readers, Haters, Etc,

So, on the last post I began replying to one commenter. She responded back, but I think it's easier to respond again as a post.

Apparently I have never been a "real Transgender" person. How I felt inside was never the point, or that I used to wear women's clothes, or thought I should've been a woman, because now you're only Transgender if you transition. 

It doesn't matter that I was poor and couldn't afford it. It doesn't matter that I struggled with it for years, and that I kept taking the COGIATI test every so often as the community used to advise to do to see where you stood before making the huge life altering decision to transition. 

Yes, back in the day the online Transgender community included transvestites, cross dressers, whatever you wanted to call those that either couldn't afford to transition but still embraced femininity despite being male. I remember the sites selling breast forms, browsing Frederick's Of Hollywood, or having my female virtual model on a clothing website I could dress up and screenshot. 

Even writing fiction about becoming a woman for 23 years doesn't qualify me either. 

Why? 

Because finding body positivity makes me a "comfortable in skin" male. Because wanting to have biological kids meant not transitioning. Because being fearful of being public makes me a coward.

Oh, and a mysogynist. Or whatever else they want to call me. 

So I don't even get to identify as Transgender yet they argue anybody can identify as whatever they want even if it doesn't exist!

I tried to make the point that eventually the youngsters trying to destroy gender in society will come for her too. Because she's embracing female gender norms, the very thing they want to destroy.

The purpose of creating so many fake genders and pronouns is to destroy the dynamics of being either male or female. If you say being Transgender is going from male to female or female to male suddenly what was common sense 10 years ago is now bigotry!

So according to her I was never really part of the Transgender community at all. I was obviously delusional for 23 years! All my experiences were a hallucination! I never was part of it after all.

So, if I'm not really TG then maybe this blog should be deleted? Maybe that's what people like her want. I mean, I'm just a poser, right?

I'm not going to delete it because I think this whole conversation needs to be kept up. 

Remember what was done to me before they do it to you too. 

I just stopped in the middle of this to upload one final capped pic for the fans. 

I'm not coming back this time because this time I'm no longer even considered part of the TG community.

According to her, I never was!

So just like everywhere else in life I've tried to fit in, I am no longer welcome. So, I bid adieu. 

Sincerely,

Your CIS, mysogynist, far-alt-right, fascist, bigoted, transphobic, patriarchal, evildoer, megalomaniac, egotistical, diabolical, NAZI, puppy hater, always extra, Gensabi

Gensabi's Last Capped Pic: Planet Of The Bimbos!

 

Yes...I Am Old

 Dear Readers, Haters, Etc,

I am old. This is true. I started making TG capped pics about 23 years ago. I started out as a contributor to a website called "Tamara Lynn's Tawdry Teasers". Then there were Lycos Groups. Then Yahoo Groups. Then here.

Back then there were TG purges. Websites forced down. Web groups closing. Anonymity kept people from reprisals in real life. People couldn't afford to transition because it wasn't covered by insurance. It was all cosmetic surgery. The community understood that. People's rights to privacy were respected. Families didn't know. It wasn't safe to be public. It still isn't. Am I paranoid? Yes. I also told a few people over the years and it never ended well.

The COGIATI test was the standard in trying to help people figure out where they stood. It helped many decide to transition, start taking hormones, etc as adults. It was understood how big, permanent, and how major that decision is. Nobody was ever faulted for not going that far. The community was supportive either way.

Being Transgender was all about embracing the gender roles of the opposite sex. It is the most binary thing on Earth. Going from male to female or female to male. If you're non-binary then you are not Transgender. I don't know what you think you are but it's definitely not Transgender. Gender is not a social construct. It's biology. Through hormones and surgeries you can switch from one gender to the other, but that's it.

Making up new genders, new pronouns, it's make believe bullshit. So is TG fiction, but I know and admit it's fiction. Even science fiction still needs the science. 

I have not been "corrupted by alt-right influences". I just remained consistent. I've been around a long time. I was a part of this community before it was cool or trendy or being invaded by college educated idiots trying to tell me I'm the transphobic bigot and how tools my generation used to help us are wrong. 

Because you want to invalidate my experiences. To invalidate history, science, and change definitions to suit your own purposes. 

The words we used, were proud of, are now problematic like transvestite. 

Yes I'm old. I even made fun of that fact by using the Crypt Keeper to represent myself. Back in the day most assumed I wanted to be a busty Asian woman. 

The entire point of being Transgender was the belief that you were born into the wrong body. About embracing the gender norms of the opposite gender.

This non-binary stuff? It defeats the purpose of Transgenderism completely.

Several years ago I began to notice changes in even the TG fiction writing community to try and censor content due to political correctness. No more Madame Olga, no perceived stereotypes if doing racial swaps, etc. That was bullshit just like forcing readers to participate for access to capped pics is bullshit.

I am not woke. I am liberal but today a liberal from 2010 is considered an alt-right fascist monster. 

I don't care if someone claims to be non-binary but if you're non-binary then you are not Transgender.

I don't know what you are because you made it up yourself, but you aren't Transgender.

Sincerely,

Gensabi 

The Comments

Dear Readers, Haters, Etc,

So I just came back to check the comments. On my side I was seeing comments but they weren't showing up on the actual posts to respond to. I figured out they were being automatically marked as spam and I had to mark each one as "not spam".

So I think they can all be seen now on the last few posts. I am NOT coming back this time.

You know what? Being critical of my last few years of output is fine. Frankly, it was getting repetitive. I probably should've stopped in 2020. Or 2017. 

I fully admitted the A.I. thing was butt hurt ego. Then it went somewhere else. 

It turned into attacking my being old school TG. I took that COGIATI test a lot. I started out in the online community in the late 1990s. All through the 2000s. It was different back then. 

Now I'm considered a monster, bigot, etc just because to me transgenderism is all about gender roles, going from male to female and female to male. I didn't waste over 20 years of my life taking time to create these just to be deemed problematic by a bunch of noobs. Newbies. People trying to redefine what being transgender is. That's not my ego. It's a stand against infiltrators trying to come in and take over. 

So I'm canceling myself before they do it. I've seen their modern methods. I don't want my anonymity broken. 

I'll check the comments occasionally to make sure none are marked as spam.

I'm not coming back. I mean it. I AM DONE.

Sincerely,

Gensabi