Thanks to all those that understand and sent well wishes.
No thanks to the one or maybe two people who decided this was something to fight me over. I don't need that and didn't need that.
So I want to lay this out. Fully lay this out.
Last year I had a mental breakdown. A traumatic event happened that changed my real life.
I already had physical illnesses but I kept going.
This year I relived that trauma completely. The stress from that has raised my blood sugar to catastrophic levels that put me at risk of going blind, having a stroke, or even a heart attack.
That traumatic experience is why I didn't finish Bimbo Limbo. I was prepared for anniversary anxiety but not for reliving the trauma all over again. It took me most of March to calm down. My anxiety was so high I had attacks just trying to grocery shop.
My liver isn't working right either. Test results are elevated. Normal blood sugar lowering things like exercise and losing weight are not working now. On Monday I was told my pancreas may be failing.
I need to change doctors though because the one I have wasn't doing all the tests needed to be done every 3 months.
I have to test myself several times a day. My diet is changed. Exercise might help getting my cells to work better with insulin.
The stakes are if I don't focus on this I could at the worst die, or become severely disabled.
I can't caption if I go blind.
I can't caption if I have a really bad stroke.
I might not survive a heart attack.
Not retiring would be irresponsible right now. I don't want to leave readers hanging for years wondering if I'll be back or if I'm dead or mentally incapacitated.
I'm dealing with depression on top of all this. It's hard to not stress out about the effects of stressing out. I don't need more stress on top of it all.
I was hoping that if I got my health under control I might come back. Maybe in a year. Three to six months maybe. Or the worst might happen and I can't. I don't know.
People fighting me over retiring though? After explaining all this? That makes me NOT want to try and come back at all.
It makes me feel like places I've worked that didn't care if I had diarrhea they wanted me there at work in a cubicle shitting myself. They timed you using the bathroom too. It was a no-win scenario.
I've been Gensabi for 18 years. Nobody ever threw me a parade, and the community? I haven't felt like part of the community since 2005 or 2007 or around there.
I don't want a parade. I know my contributions to TG fiction have been jack squat.
Nothing I ever made up ever caught on. Nobody ever wanted to use my creations. Meanwhile, the Great Shift and Medallion Of Zulo are still going on strong. I did a series that predates the FOSE but oh well.
I should be able to go out on my own terms. It's not like I don't have valid reasons.
I uploaded the last of what I had done. I was even contemplating making a new one or two but this kinda soured it.
I need to get my new routine done. I have to try and reverse my health prognosis.
If you don't like it then may you find out Karma is a bitch.