Gensabi's Castle Of TG Capped Pics

Gensabi's Castle Of TG Capped Pics

Friday, October 13, 2017

Retirement (Hopefully Temporary But Maybe Not)

Dear Readers,

I have no choice but to retire from captioning right now. 

Yesterday I couldn't daydream.

Last night I couldn't even dream at all. 

It feels like I got no sleep. I'm only on half a pill right now and it's already affecting me. 

It's like I'm here and awake but it's hard to hear my internal voice. It can't focus. It can't wander.

It's getting rid of the bad stuff and the good. I need my dreams. I need my daydreams. I need my imagination. 

Without it I'm not me. Real me. Gensabi me. Any me. 

This is what I was afraid of happening. I don't know if stopping the medicine will reverse it. 

At worst my creativity is gone. This is a waking nightmare and I feel calm despite it. 

Sincerely,
Gensabi

4 comments:

  1. As long as you get better, we don't care that you have to retire.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't want to be better if it does this to me. I feel like a piece of my soul is missing. Inspiration is gone. I can't daydream or regular dream or anything right now. My internal monologue is gone.

      Delete
  2. that's awful. humans need imagination to spark motivation

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah. I'm hoping that stopping the medicine will reverse this. I hope it can. I mean, these meds alter brain chemistry.

      I tried reading a book. A book based on a TV show and reading in my mind can't get the voices right and there's no visualization happening.

      I'm retiring not because I want to but because this has made it impossible to continue.

      Delete