Dear Readers,
Thanks to all those that understand and sent well wishes.
No thanks to the one or maybe two people who decided this was something to fight me over. I don't need that and didn't need that.
So I want to lay this out. Fully lay this out.
Last year I had a mental breakdown. A traumatic event happened that changed my real life.
I already had physical illnesses but I kept going.
This year I relived that trauma completely. The stress from that has raised my blood sugar to catastrophic levels that put me at risk of going blind, having a stroke, or even a heart attack.
That traumatic experience is why I didn't finish Bimbo Limbo. I was prepared for anniversary anxiety but not for reliving the trauma all over again. It took me most of March to calm down. My anxiety was so high I had attacks just trying to grocery shop.
My liver isn't working right either. Test results are elevated. Normal blood sugar lowering things like exercise and losing weight are not working now. On Monday I was told my pancreas may be failing.
I need to change doctors though because the one I have wasn't doing all the tests needed to be done every 3 months.
I have to test myself several times a day. My diet is changed. Exercise might help getting my cells to work better with insulin.
The stakes are if I don't focus on this I could at the worst die, or become severely disabled.
I can't caption if I go blind.
I can't caption if I have a really bad stroke.
I might not survive a heart attack.
Not retiring would be irresponsible right now. I don't want to leave readers hanging for years wondering if I'll be back or if I'm dead or mentally incapacitated.
I'm dealing with depression on top of all this. It's hard to not stress out about the effects of stressing out. I don't need more stress on top of it all.
I was hoping that if I got my health under control I might come back. Maybe in a year. Three to six months maybe. Or the worst might happen and I can't. I don't know.
People fighting me over retiring though? After explaining all this? That makes me NOT want to try and come back at all.
It makes me feel like places I've worked that didn't care if I had diarrhea they wanted me there at work in a cubicle shitting myself. They timed you using the bathroom too. It was a no-win scenario.
I've been Gensabi for 18 years. Nobody ever threw me a parade, and the community? I haven't felt like part of the community since 2005 or 2007 or around there.
I don't want a parade. I know my contributions to TG fiction have been jack squat.
Nothing I ever made up ever caught on. Nobody ever wanted to use my creations. Meanwhile, the Great Shift and Medallion Of Zulo are still going on strong. I did a series that predates the FOSE but oh well.
I should be able to go out on my own terms. It's not like I don't have valid reasons.
I uploaded the last of what I had done. I was even contemplating making a new one or two but this kinda soured it.
I need to get my new routine done. I have to try and reverse my health prognosis.
If you don't like it then may you find out Karma is a bitch.
Sincerely,
Gensabi
Thank for the update. I wish you all the best with what ever you do. I for one love your work. but you must come first. you and your work will be missed by me if you reside to permanently retire. but I will also under Stand your decision and respect it. I wish you all the best
ReplyDeleteThank you. That one commenter on the retirement post kinda stirred me up.
DeleteI was hoping 3 months at the most. But it's not certain I'll have those three months or all my faculties within that time.
It's an unknown.
Once again I wont to Thank you for all the wonderful captions and stories you created and shared over the years The have fun and thought provoking and I loved them all . You take care of you and thank you so much for what you have shared.
DeletePersonally I love your work, in particular how the characters actually enjoy their swaps. I don't think you should judge your success on how many people use your ideas, I'm sure that plenty of people of people love but are just to shy to comment. As a side note I really liked the premise of 'right body, wrong times' with people's souls getting mixed up across generations and family ties and then suddenly being righted later in life. Of course your health needs come before any of this. I just want you to know that if you ever change your mind and come back, you always be welcome.
ReplyDeletei love your work gensabi, but health comes first, mentally, physically, etc.. life is precious dont try to force yourself to cap. you come first, if retiring is what you need to do. then do it. In short thank you for all the great caps. Thank you Again Gensabi, farewell my friend.
ReplyDeleteTake care of your health first. You don't owe anyone here anything. It's not like we're paying you for this.
ReplyDeleteDarling life can be cruel there are many things that test us along the way but what really matters is now we deal with them. If you let the bad things consume your mind you will not only wast what precious time you have on this earth but let opportunities pass you bye. Quite simply just like Yang and yang there is no good without bad. With every experience broadening our understanding & knowledge with what we gain ultimately making us a fuller person inside. We can’t control the experiences we are going to encounter but we can pore every last bit of energy in to making it bearable and as fun as we can.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you don’t really want to carry on with these captions. However I believe you have misunderstood peoples intentions. Sometimes when we face bad things we need something to distract us. I believe the people that told you to carry on are only thinking about your welfare. When you suffer from Depression the last thing you want to do is sit back festering listening to the millions of bad thoughts in your head. Sometimes when you have an outlet it can help to (at least partially) block out some of the clutter inside your mind. If this creative outlet is not working for you then I suggest you simply look for something you feel happy enough to consume your time with that makes you feel good about your self. I strongly suggest staying close to your creative side because it is obviously one of your strengths.
Please understand I do not know your Full health details. However Diabetes is extremely hard to live with but with the right intervention it can be controlled & you can lead a relatively normal life. What ever damage that has happened so far can be at the very least be nursed better by making the right decisions mainly involving your diet. Like everything else you need to find the right balance. I know those decisions can be influenced by your mood but you have to be strong.
I don’t know you that much however let’s just say it took a good deal of strength when you decided to be the person you are today. What ever you do never play that down. There is no one trans advocate better than anyone else, just the simple fact you exist makes all the difference.
I admire you what ever battle you have had to go through so far it puts you up there with the best. Xx
Ps I’m not a weirdo I’m just a random somebody who cares. Hugs
I've enjoyed your caps for a while now, and as greedy as I am, please don't worry about what we in the peanut gallery think, health needs should always come first.
ReplyDeleteI'll be hoping for any good news coming your way.
P.S. this short f*cking comment took 20~ minutes to think of, second guess, start over, then re-make.
P.S.S. Not complaining or anything, just thought that you'd get a chuckle out of my inability to words.
i hope you get better, praying for you.
ReplyDelete