Debated Dilemma!

Taking Care Of Myself

Dear Readers,

I was back in the hospital today. I don't think it's even been two weeks since I was out of it yet.

More physical health issues. It's got me on the most intensive antibiotics I've ever been on in my life!

So, I have no clue if or when anything new will be done. Honestly, it's been so hot out lately that it's probably better to stay inside and caption.

Alas, my focus for the next several days is taking meds. And using hot compresses. And it's not exactly how I planned spending the next week. 

Sincerely,
Gensabi

The Mostest!

Sitting Pretty!

No Sweat Now!

The Long Pause!

Getting Sacked!

Stress Relief

Dear Readers,

I've made some new ones. Kinda as a stress relief.

My blood pressure has been getting high, and stress has made my health worse. I'm still feeling the effects of blood thinners from the hospital too. I can't take too much sun now.

Maybe it really was vampires disguised as night nurses taking my blood?

Also my living situation changed again so I have more privacy again as well. The living situation thing was really stressing me out a lot.

I'm not sure I'm back. I'm taking it easy. Doc appointments most of next week.

I have 3 done. Not sure if I'll be making more. Space situation is still funky.

Sincerely,

Gensabi

Hospitalized And Stress

Dear Readers, 

If you noticed I stopped responding to comments it's because I've been in the hospital for the past several days, not alone in the room, and the WiFi was spotty.

Luckily, I didn't need heart surgery.

Back at home today and the stress is already getting to me. I was going to caption a few pics but I think I accidentally left my tablet on and the battery needs to charge up from depletion.

I had to take an ambulance. It was a fast thing. Unexpected. 

I'm trying to take it easy. This morning's tests took a toll on my body a lot.

Thanks for all the comments on the last post. Starting to get a headache again...so I'm cutting this short. 

Sincerely,
Gensabi

Thanks And No Thanks

Dear Readers,

Thanks to all those that understand and sent well wishes.

No thanks to the one or maybe two people who decided this was something to fight me over. I don't need that and didn't need that.

So I want to lay this out. Fully lay this out.

Last year I had a mental breakdown. A traumatic event happened that changed my real life. 

I already had physical illnesses but I kept going. 

This year I relived that trauma completely. The stress from that has raised my blood sugar to catastrophic levels that put me at risk of going blind, having a stroke, or even a heart attack.

That traumatic experience is why I didn't finish Bimbo Limbo. I was prepared for anniversary anxiety but not for reliving the trauma all over again. It took me most of March to calm down. My anxiety was so high I had attacks just trying to grocery shop.

My liver isn't working right either. Test results are elevated. Normal blood sugar lowering things like exercise and losing weight are not working now. On Monday I was told my pancreas may be failing.

I need to change doctors though because the one I have wasn't doing all the tests needed to be done every 3 months. 

I have to test myself several times a day. My diet is changed. Exercise might help getting my cells to work better with insulin.

The stakes are if I don't focus on this I could at the worst die, or become severely disabled.

I can't caption if I go blind.

I can't caption if I have a really bad stroke.

I might not survive a heart attack.

Not retiring would be irresponsible right now. I don't want to leave readers hanging for years wondering if I'll be back or if I'm dead or mentally incapacitated.

I'm dealing with depression on top of all this. It's hard to not stress out about the effects of stressing out. I don't need more stress on top of it all. 

I was hoping that if I got my health under control I might come back. Maybe in a year. Three to six months maybe. Or the worst might happen and I can't. I don't know.

People fighting me over retiring though? After explaining all this? That makes me NOT want to try and come back at all.

It makes me feel like places I've worked that didn't care if I had diarrhea they wanted me there at work in a cubicle shitting myself. They timed you using the bathroom too. It was a no-win scenario.

I've been Gensabi for 18 years. Nobody ever threw me a parade, and the community? I haven't felt like part of the community since 2005 or 2007 or around there.

I don't want a parade. I know my contributions to TG fiction have been jack squat. 

Nothing I ever made up ever caught on. Nobody ever wanted to use my creations. Meanwhile, the Great Shift and Medallion Of Zulo are still going on strong. I did a series that predates the FOSE but oh well. 

I should be able to go out on my own terms. It's not like I don't have valid reasons. 

I uploaded the last of what I had done. I was even contemplating making a new one or two but this kinda soured it. 

I need to get my new routine done. I have to try and reverse my health prognosis. 

If you don't like it then may you find out Karma is a bitch. 

Sincerely,
Gensabi