April - World Of Confusion

Dear Readers,

As April approaches I'm not as better as I'd like to be. I'm still in a world of confusion about my future, my present, and even my past.

I feel extremely ugly and unwanted, and sometimes I can channel that into capped pics and other times I'm fighting suicidal thoughts.

I have several posts about retirement saved as drafts. I wrote one earlier yesterday now because I thought I was going to take a path in life without internet access or WiFi. 

That didn't pan out and so depression took root and got me feeling how I described above.

I haven't felt like capping since I did that last one. I do suffer from anhedonia and it's been flaring up with different things all month. I'm averaging eating only once or twice a day. I have food but no desire to eat it. Even watching TV shows I follow has started to wane again. 

I get these periods of not knowing what I want to do or have things that need done yet have no desire to do them. 

I'm broken. 

There's times when I can fake it till I make it. There's times when it takes all I have to leave the house. 

I'm not even on my 19th nervous breakdown yet!

I have a lot to get figured out. If I can I might sprinkle a new capped pic here or there. Maybe. I don't know.

This is different from last year. Last year I had other things going on that occupied my mind better. Gave me something positive to focus on. I hadn't experienced the anhedonia yet or other side effects.

This year my anxiety surged past 11 up to 111. 

This year things were different for both good and bad reasons.

I don't know how long it's going to take to get well again.

Sincerely,
Gensabi

Beauty Control!

Taking Time

Dear Readers,

I am over the physical ailment.

I have been heavily contemplating retirement. 

I'm still dealing with my mental health.

I haven't forgotten Bimbo Limbo but it's hard to keep making stories about it. I lost my momentum on it.

The more time I take the more I feel less inclined to retire. Yet I think I need to. 

I'm having a hard time reconciling some things. 

My priorities are in flux. 

Sincerely,
Gensabi

The Reason

Changed Needs!

Got It Maid!

Taunted Terror Parts 1 - 3

Roundabout Happiness! Parts 1 & 2

Stride Pride!

Time Flies By!

Timing Is Everything!

Status Update

Dear Readers,

I feel like crud. I've been asleep most of the past 24 hours. I've been very sick since Monday. 

I posted one I did last month but was trying to hold off on posting until Bimbo Limbo was done.  

I haven't done more Bimbo Limbo yet but I did do some capping the other night. I'm not sure when I'll upload them. I'm not even sure if I want to stay awake long enough to watch a movie.

I had a TG Purge scare the other day too. Retirement has been on my mind a lot. My other issues mentally are still going on.

The first three months of the year just suck for me anymore. 

I do intend on finishing up Bimbo Limbo. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but someday I will. 

Right now I just need to get better. 

Sincerely,
Gensabi

Date Fate!